Flint, Bludgers, Exams, Love and other things that might kill me
by painterly-pot
Summary: As Katie Bell starts her fifth year at Hogwarts she soon finds that nothing is as it was before. She's no longer the best quidditch player on the team, teachers are trying to bury her alive in homework, she has a stalker and boys aren't sticks anymore, but rather are mighty fine distractions. Especially one very hunky captain that is looking like the biggest distraction yet.
1. Better late than early

The first rays of dawn began to filter through my formerly closed curtains and I could feel the phantom kiss of a soft breeze blow across my face. It was shaping up to be a beautiful, crisp early autumn day. Disgusting.

Even more disgusting than my morning lit room were my sister's antics. She was unceremoniously sprawled across my back; kicking and punching my poor, abused body with her unnaturally cold hands all the while yelling that I had to get up.

"Aren't you excited for your fifth year?" her shrill voice screamed into my now cold tipped ears.

_Warmth where are you?_

I growled and dug deeper under my covers, seeking warmth in the asylum that was my bed.

"Get up!" she had been saying- screaming this, sounding very much like a howler on repeat, for Merlin knows how long.

"I know that _I'm_ excited to be a second year- no more first year jokes out of anyone." she burrowed her bony body under my sheets, kneeing and elbowing me with the force of a train. Oblivious as always I received no apology from her still blabbering mouth. "-Katie won't it be grand. Now that I'll be a second year I can finally start dating and pick fun classes, but I don't want to have to deal with those annoying first years... Ugh, I heard that Alanna Wood is going to be a first year. She thinks she's all that just because her parents are rich. Not that I even care." As usual, Georgie was complaining while claiming to not really be complaining.

I flipped over my other shoulder, pushing myself as far away from her as possible all the while trying to maintain some semblance of warmth and darkness.

"Georgie first of all, you were 'an annoying first year last year' and second of all I honestly don't give a flying snitch about who you dislike that is six years younger than me. If she's so annoying then punch her or ignore her and lastly, get out of my bed!" I gave one mighty kick that sent her bony body flying right out of my sheets, off my bed and onto the hard floor below.

As expected she began to wail and wallow about how nobody understood her and how everyone hated her. The basic angst of a prepubescent stick child.

"Now Kathryn was that really necessary?" the deep rumbling voice of my older brother, Nicholas, sounded from the doorway. I could feel his disapproval as Georgie undoubtedly went to cry to my parents after seeing that Nic would offer no coddling.

"Yes." I snapped, rolling over to my former spot in the center of my bed. Georgie's bony body had left strange divots and bumps in the mattress that made me want to cry as my perfectly outlined sleeping space was now ruined.

"She's right you know, you do need to get up and pack." he had already moved on from his chastising, seeing that it was useless to have me try and act humane this early on.

"Don't you have a house to be moving out of and a desk to be sitting in?" I snapped, knowing how he hated the fact that he was being assigned desk duty for the first few months of his job.

"Better a desk that one gets paid to sit in, then a desk that one is forced into." The jovial voice of my grandfather hummed as he hobbled by. At ninety-one years old he was spewing proverbs left and right. His reasoning was that advice from a man who has lived as long as he must be told before all his wisdom was lost and he was buried. Honestly, most of what he said didn't even make sense, but he had his moments.

"Exactly- Papi you know you're not allowed to floo travel. Where do you think you're even going?" Nic cried as he hurried after the surprisingly speedy man. The last time he had tried the Floo network he had forgotten where he had wanted to go and had ended up three towns away at his old house, which muggles happened to be living at the time.

Imagine their surprise when a rattled and slightly crazed old man crawled out of their lit fireplace while they had been trying to- ehemm get to know each other a little better. He had almost caused an international incident in classic Papi troublesome innocence.

"Kathryn Bell when I walk into that death trap you call your room I best not see you still lying in your sheets." Ah the sweet croon of the ever-loving Ysme, my dear, sweet babysitter. Just kidding she's the devil.

"Of course you wont Meme (pronounced maymay)." I chirped back, all the while mentally spitting and cursing like a sailor as I regarded my already pre-accioed shit (courtesy of Ysme) and shoved everything inside. Thank Merlin it was charmed to grow internally in size, because I had neither the skill nor the patience to fold it all. The only things I actually carefully packed were my broom, quidditch gear, quaffles, padding and one or two pictures.

Ysme waltzed into my room with a grimace, regarding me with a frown as I sat atop my trunk and attempted to close it. She snorted and walked out at my theatrics, as I was grunting and groaning as I pushed down with all my might. When it finally shut I rewarded myself with a quick cool down, meaning I laid on the floor until I heard Ysme walk up the hall and launched my stiff body into my closet.

"When I walk in there, I better find that trunk ready to leave and you beside it." she warned, her thick accent making it sound like she wanted me to be inside the trunk to an untrained ear. However, after living with her for so long her strange accent was like a second language to me.

"I'm just changing!" I blindly reached my hand into my clean laundry pile and began to change into the first items I grabbed. "You know me, absolutely must look my best for the new school year!' I hollered from behind the shut door. I was pulling my hair into a ponytail when I realized my wand was nowhere to be seen. Well shit.

She snorted with contempt, knowing me to never be one who put much stock into my appearance. I dropped to my knees and began to run my hands across the horribly fuzzy carpet. The fibers were so thick that my slim wand could be hidden anywhere and I would never know.

My fingers were splayed wide and my arms wind milled wildly in an attempt to search as much of the surrounding area as possible in the shortest amount of time. If my wand wasn't in here then I honestly didn't know where it could be.

"I have grabbed your wand already now get off the ground and get into the car. Honestly, all you do is give me gray hairs." I picked myself off the floor and flipped off the figure I knew was strutting out as I had my fit. She was on top of everything as usual.

As I heard her clop down the stairs like the big, fat horse I knew she was I looked down at the clothes I had grabbed- a neon running top and tight fitting running tights. It was suitable for a morning workout, but for Hogwarts? Not at all. But I would be wearing a robe… I shrugged and burst out of the room, nearly killing my cat in the process.

"Time to go Mr. Kitty." I hefted him up and into my arms, grabbing his cage as a last minute idea and sprinting down the stairs and through my house.

"Better late than early!" hollered Papi as I brushed a quick peck across his age spotted cheek and rushed out the door.

"Other way around Papi!" I hollered before shutting the door, effectively silencing his undoubtedly faulted logic about his word choice.

I launched myself over the hedges, narrowly avoiding a charmed hedge clipper in the process, as it angrily began to snap at my heels. I sped up to avoid being made into human shrubbery and crossed the stupidly large garden, flowers dying underfoot, and launched myself into the open shotgun seat.

"What have I told you about touching the garden!" Ysme shrieked as she hastily pulled out, obviously distraught over the idea that her favorite kids, the flowers, could be bent out of shape.

"We are going to be late and there are going to be no good compartments left thanks to you. Plus I can hardly walk anymore after your attacks on me so it's going to take me extra time to make it to the platform. When you put the five minutes you were late, plus the ten extra minutes it will take me to walk there, then I'll be fifteen minutes late." Georgie wailed in the back seat.

I could barely make out her white haired head in between the trunks and as she continued to whinge I could just picture how one sharp turn could bury her underneath the luggage and finally shut her up.

The ride went as smoothly as could be expected, each passenger mad at me for one reason or another. Ysme was playing the silent game while Georgie wouldn't shut her mouth and all the while Mr. Kitty was shedding all over me. Oh how I adored road trips.

By the time we arrived at the station we were three minutes ahead of schedule due to Ysme's severe disregard of traffic laws. I practically threw myself out of the car, packing all my belongings together in record time. I was about to sprint off when she stepped into my escape route.

"Now Kathryn you'll be taking yours O.W.L.S this year," I opened my eyes and blinked dramatically, honestly she acted as if I didn't know a thing. "Don't you give me that look." she thrust a bony finger into my face and looked me square the eyes and spoke firmly.

"I should be having to warn you about the distraction of men, but obviously that's a talk I need to have with a different young lady." she sent an incriminating look Georgie's way, who had been trying to silently slink away to avoid the annual 'Talk.' "But for you I feel like you are more distracted by Kiddish, no?" Confused, I blinked and attempted a translation. Ah! She meant quidditch.

"Well it is not everything. It is fun? Yes! Of course it is fun! But you know what is not?" her hands were now in full expression mode, flying everywhere to add emphasis to each word. "Failing. Now that is not fun. Now go study and please find a boy, you are too pretty to end up old and alone like me." She grabbed my bewildered face in between her dry, skeletally bony hands and gave me her customary four kisses on my cheeks.

I smiled and bowed, as it was custom, before sprinting off much to Mr. Kitty's displeasure. As I pushed and shoved I marveled at how I was being told to find love and how my 12-year-old sister was being told to avoid it. _Funny how roles reversed our roles were. _I mused as I shut my eyes and ran through the platform, feeling my mind scream at me to stop before I felt the passage give way and I was thrown out and into something. Or perhaps someone.


	2. A head thicker and more hollow than wood

As it had turned out I had been catapulted into the body of my former divination teacher, Sybil Trelawney. She's a right loon, always spewing out dark forewarnings at inappropriate times.

We didn't have the best relationship as thirteen year old me had not been exactly subtle about my disbelief in her shenanigans. I had been kicked out of her class on multiple occasions with many wailing cries of how my disbelief was ruining the extraordinary potential of my third eye.

Honestly, my third eye? That was the year of slow reflexes and thus many bludgers and quaffles to the face so it was more than likely that I had had a lump in the middle of my forehead at the time… Third eye my ass.

As I was vaulted into her I was overwhelmed by the scent of patchouli and incense, all the while being smothered by her copious, entrapping layers of scarves and shawls. I honestly could not tell you where the outside world was; everything was just a foul smelling, filmy fabric-y prison.

"I had predicted that I should be on the look out for flinging bells! I had assumed it was supposed to be ringing bells, but as usual my third eye clairvoyance was correct." She was squawking again. It was never a good moment when she claimed that a prophecy had come true, she would be gloating and bringing this up for the entire school year.

I huffed and rolled to what I could only hope was freedom, before I felt a dry and papery hand clasp around my wrist just as it had found it's way out of the tent of her robes.

"Now Miss Bell I have a word for you. A broken bell cannot possibly chime with the wedding bells." with that she let go and I scrambled out and picked myself up off the ground, grabbed my belongings and ran to the other end of the train like a spooked animal, a dark sense of foreboding creeping up my spine.

"Wotcher Katie!" I heard someone cry as I fled past them, getting as far away from that hell woman as possible before, even faster than I had took off, I stopped.

Since when did I take what that kook said to heart? I never did before, why should I now? According to her I should be dead ten times over and I was a direct relative of Godric Gryffindor, neither of which were true as I was still alive and the most important relative in my family was not a founding member by any means.

"What the hell was that all about Kat, I haven't seen you run that fast since- since well ever." A pale, freckled set of arms were thrown across my shoulder and with the extra weight on me, I felt my fear dissipate.

"Well there was that one time-" Fred mused, a smirk across his thin lips.

"-oh yes, I remember now. That one time-" George continued, his hand stroking his chin in a very Dumbledore-deep-in-thought manner.

"-when you thought you saw a firebolt in the store window and ran straight into that window." they finished together, nuggying my hair and chortling together.

"You bounced right off the wall like it was enchanted!" George began to guffaw and Fred and him hi-fived over my head, both shaking with laughter at the obviously well preserved memory.

"Oh yes, very funny. Let's take a walk down memory lane shall we? Remember when you two tried to hit bludgers at me at the same time and ended up knocking one another off your brooms. I seem to remember that there were three arms broken, one hip and how many? Oh yes 17 broken ribs." I shot back, shoving out their lock-armed embrace and continuing my walk to the end of the train.

"Bit testy are you?" one of them drawled, both of them returning to their former position; draped over me like ugly, matching curtains.

"What's wrong with you Miss Kathryn?" George pet my head, honestly what was I? I dog?

"No." I replied curtly, unpacking my trolley and picking up a very discontent, obvious by his loud complaining, Mr. Kitty.

"We'll only carry your trunk if you tell us." They sing songed and I turned around, already halfway up the ramp. If I told them how much she had spooked me, they would never drop it. I could only imagine the pranks they would pull. Obviously they would involve bells and crystal balls and shawls and wedding preparations and- no. They could never know.

"Okay, fine." I blew a large strand of hair that had escaped its binding and put on my most sincere look. They exchanged a smile with one another and picked up either end of trunk with identical movements.

"Hut hut!" They chanted, marching with high knees up the ramp and into the train.

"Sergeant Bell follow us to our bunker!" one of them barked, as they continued to march, straight-backed and high-kneed, down the train. The look of complete acceptance on the second years and up, all of who had learned to just accept their oddities was the polar opposite of the look of confusion on the new students. I picked up the tempo of their march and called out "Tallyho!" following them with a grand smile on my face.

Turned out that the 'bunker' was apparently the team bunker. I looked around the crowded compartment, where noise and laughs were resounding and filling the air, and smiled. All my favorite faces were there: Angelina Johnson, Alicia Spinnet, the twins, Harry Potter and even Oliver Wood were all talking and laughing with one another. The air felt electric and even though tryouts had not even occurred and no one's spot was secure (words of Wood, not me), the chemistry was almost tangible.

"Well look what the cat dragged in!" cried Angelina as she reached across George's lap to hug me around the waist. George's eyes were skyward and he was thanking the heavens above, ever the idiot.

"Angie how was Prussia!" I hugged her back as well I could with Mr. Kitty's cage in my right hand and my left hand flipping George off.

"It was grand! The boys Katie, the boys!" she winked at me and fanned her face as she withdrew from my waist and off of George's lap, much to his disappointed.

"Now Johnson, I don't see why you don't just sit on my lap. Give some room to your good friend Katie. She was right spooked before she got here and I do believe she needs to sit down and tell us, isn't that right Katie?" I never got to answer because Angie proceeded to brutally beat George for his idea before stopping and eying me.

"Yes Kathryn, I do believe my brother is correct in his statement. You do need to tell us something." Oh bother. I looked around the compartment and was met by twelve pairs of eyes, filled with anything from amusement to deep concern. I'll let you guess where the twins lay on that spectrum.

"Bollocks, you two are a pair of work." I placed the cage down and slumped down on the nearest space available, this one next to Harry.

"Well… we're waiting." Alicia piped up, a concerned look in her deep blue eyes.

"It's just the regular family drama, someone said something and I got upset. It wasn't anything much." They all nodded in sympathy and understanding, last year I had confided in them in a very much accidental, but much needed confession during a late night after practice talk.

"Who was it? We'll kill 'em."

"I'll hex them so hard they won't be able to remember their own name, let alone your own."

"People always run their mouths about what they don't understand." Harry mused, patting my shoulder in his own awkward, but lovely way.

As they each lay their threats down I felt my heart swell with affection for these goons and their friendship they had given me.

"It doesn't matter who, I dealt with them." I lied. It sometimes upset me how easily I could put up this confidant air and lie so smoothly, but I like to think my lies had done more good than bad for me.

A series of whoops and hi-fives were exchanged over my faux victory from all but Wood. He looked at me with a look of complete confusion and a little bit of hurt. It hit me that he had no idea what we were all talking about. He had probably been going over his precious playbook or stayed after to condition or play more. The look in his honey colored eyes was enough to make me want to coddle him, but instead I just shrugged and joined in the merriment.

No one asked any more questions for the rest of the train ride, not even Wood, but I could feel that he desperately wanted to. By the time we had arrived at school and were all in our robes and were exiting the train, I could physically feel his desire to ask.

I fell back from our rowdy group and, as expected, he did as well.

"If you're going to ask, might as well as now." my tone was dry and bored.

"Why didn't you tell me that people were giving you a hard time?" I had to crane my neck to meet his solid gaze.

"Because it didn't matter then and it doesn't matter now." He looked down, the moonlight illuminating my permanently windblown mop of hair like a halo, and frowned.

"I don't need this effecting the team or your playing. This is my last year to win the cup and I won't have people giving my chasers a hard time." My brows raised in a ridiculous way, was he serious?

"Well you don't need to worry about my life effecting my play, or Godric forbid, your play." with that I stalked off, going to join people who were actually people and not just quidditch robots.

For the ride up to the school grounds the twins and I spent the entire time trying to throw some of their more volatile candies into the water below, where they would explode in a spray of water and steam, effectively showering the first years in their boats.

Twice Percy had somehow maneuvered his carriage to be next to ours to tell us off and twice we ignored him and I ignored Wood's gaze from inside as well.

"Good riddance is what I say to these seventh year boys! Fat lot of good they are." I complained to the Alicia and Angelina when they had fallen behind yet again and we ran out of Lava Lollies.

"I think their quite dreamy." Angelina, ever the boy crazy witch, sighed amorously.

"I actually agree with Miss Flirty over here. Have you seen how well Jenkies filled out?" Alicia licked her lips provocatively.

"I have indeed," I smiled back at them, happy to be back with my friends, even if all they thought about was the opposite species- I wasn't even sure that boys were the same species as girls. "What about the Weasley twins though- right lookers they are." I drawled, my words loud and exaggerated. The twins looked at me, eyebrows waggling and blew me kisses.

"Right you are Miss Bell!"

"Bloody brilliant!" they assessed, wicked grins painted across their faces.

"Don't you agree Angelina?" Alicia whispered quietly, nudging Angelina's olive toned arm suggestively. Her tan skin turned a somehow flattering shade of red as she began to sputter disagreements and rejections.

"We never suggested you two were an item Ang. We just said he had filled out, that was all you." she balked and then buried her cherry red face into her palms and squealed girlishly.

Alicia and me rubbed her back and giggled at her reaction. She picked her head up out of her hands and smiled conspiratorially at me.

"But the most attractive bloke in the school?" Alicia nodded and then they both turned to me, identical looks of glee on their faces.

"I swear if you idiots say his name I will lose it. We already went over this that-" I was just beginning my rant when they singsonged the dreaded name.

"Oliver Wood." Goddamn.

"I liked him in the third year!" I could honestly not believe that they were still going on about this. Ridiculous is what this situation was, just plain ridiculous. I sent my exasperated gaze skywards and watched as the moon was covered and darkness fell across the grounds, pitching everything into shadows.

"And the first, and the second, and the fourth- don't think we didn't notice that you still liked him." My face flushed and I thanked the founders that the night was now dark and the moon was covered with clouds, no matter how frightening the surrounding area looked at least it was too murky to see my face.

"We saw you two walking together for a bit… Care to explain Miss?" oh dear lord, no. No. Not again.

"Not really, no." I scooted closer to George in hopes that at least Angelina would drop this discussion.

"Well that's not what we wanted to hear!" Alicia grabbed me around my waist and pulled back, sending me flying back into an awkward position of somewhat on her lap and somewhat in my former seat.

"He just wanted to know who was giving me shite." They squealed and I nearly barfed. "Not in that way, he wanted to know so that he could beat them up-" they shrieked even louder and I had to clasp a hand over the nearest shrieker to continue. "-because he doesn't want my playing to be effected because I could bring the team down. The conversation was all horridly obnoxious and oblivious, classic Wood." Their shoulders only slumped slightly at the news.

"Well it's still rather cute if you think about it. He was too masculine to convey his real emotions so he talked about his only fall back, quidditch." In classic Alicia, she was trying to find romance in the most obnoxious and not even platonic of relationships.

"Licia, that's not cute. That's weird; he's weird. Besides he only does hookups and short flings, we all know his one true love is quidditch." at this we all rolled our eyes, it was true. It was a well-known fact that Wood's ideal partner could fly, was made of wood and brush, and liked to be ridden. In other words, he was dating quidditch.

"I'd hook up with him."

"Is that really all you got out of this talk?" I asked incredulously, Angie only shrugged sheepishly.

"I would too." Great, now Alicia was piping up. "But I would never do that to you, I couldn't stand to get in the way of your blossoming romance."

"Oh good Godric will you two never shut it!" Their cackles flew into the night as our carriage carried us closer and closer to my real home.

Thank you so much for the review, follows and favorites! I'm 100% new to this, but you guys have all been so sweet and lovely! I'll try to update this very frequently as I do have a lot planned for this story. A huge shoutout to LittleMissCello for being my first review, what a dear! Lots of love and affection for the lot of you.

Love,

painterly-pot


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